Confidence Isn't Something We Are Born With...It's Something We Choose, Something We Fight For

If you meet me today, you might think I'm confident.

I laugh easy, I talk to my clients like they're old friends, I hype people up like it's my full time job. But truth is confidence is not something that comes easy to me.

When I was young, I was pretty shy, like REALLY shy, so shy that my now husband didn't even know I existed and we graduated from the same school 2 years apart (we didn't go to a big school and I graduated with his sister). He once asked me if I hid in lockers because he never remembers seeing me in the school. Also I had this curly hair that I had zero control over and although I did get compliments on the curls, I wanted straight hair.

In My 20's...

I got married and we started our family. I went from my slim, mostly in shape body to one that was growing babies. My first pregnancy I thought I could eat what ever I wanted, so Big Mac's were my best friend. The scale went from 135 to 198. UGH...I was only growing 1 baby and he didn't come out weighing 40lbs so I had a totally different body after having him, and a lot of work in front of me. I don't think I ever got back to the 130's again, and I am not close to it now.

In My 30's...

I got sick, real sick. Ulcerative Colitis took a lot from me in those years. And the medications that helped me function (one of them Prednisone) came with it's own battles. If you have ever been on it, you know.

Moon face, the weight gain, the way your body doesn't feel like it belongs to you anymore. Oh let's not forget the personality changes, I didn't feel like myself inside or out. I didn't recognize myself when I looked in the mirror and if I'm being honest there were a lot of days I felt ugly.

People would try to comfort me. They's say "It's better than being sick", or "a little extra weight is nothing compared to your health" and they weren't wrong. Mentally it was just something I had to accept.

When you don't feel like yourself, confidence feels very far away.

My 40's....

there were multiple surgeries.

Now I physically feel better more often than not, but the cost was my colon (my whole colon), an ileostomy bag and a huge abdominal scar. If you know me, you know that. If you don't and you have questions, ask me, I'm an open books. Colon talk is a big topic in my house.

But confidence? It's still something I work on daily. Clothes fit differently, and at times I struggle to find things that not only fit but are also comfortable. And yes, I still catch myself wondering "can people see my bag", "is it noticeable now, will it be noticeable in a few hours?"

Here's what I've learned:

Confidence isn't something you have or don't have. It's something you practice.

It's looking at yourself and deciding "I'm still me" even when your body changes, even when you're thrown a curve ball.

Why Photography Became So Personal To Me

I saw something happen over the years. People of all ages step into my camera frame a little nervous, unsure and sometimes critical of themselves. And then they see their images.

Good light.

An outfit that compliments their body.

A location that makes them feel comfortable to be themselves.

And something shifts. They stand taller, smile bigger. And they see themselves through my lens, how I see them, with confidence.

That moment when they say "wow, that's me?" is everything to me.

Here's what I want you to know. Confidence can be achieved, not all at once but little by little. And sometimes it starts simply by seeing yourself in new light!

This is why I do what I do. I don't just take pictures, I help people find a version of themselves that they didn't know or have forgotten about. I build confidence in a tween who might be going through the "awkward" middle school years, or a high school kid who still has braces on when all the other kids got them off. I help college kids see the new adult that they are getting ready to become and moms (or) dads feel like they did before the kids.

If I can help one person feel a little better, then every part of my journey to find/fight for my confidence and build my photography business is worth it!